hella

ok, i want to tell you about 2 things that are rad.

our first submission comes from youtube courtesy of pruane2forever. you may have seen this kid calling out 50 Cent for being a media whore in one of his vlogs, prefaced with the disclaimer "no haters, please!"

apparently he is working on a film project called "crossed paths" that is broken up into several parts. i actually wanted to blog about this last night, so great was my exitement, but for reasons i won't get into here i had to wait until now. without further ado, i am glad to present to you part one of what I hope is many parts to come:

i'm really excited for part 2: revenge of the fallen. pruane, if you're reading this, please: make haste.

also, the high point of my morning so far is the discovery of dinosaurs fucking robots. yeah, it's been a pretty slow morning. i expect big things from you as well, dinosaursfuckingrobots.com. don't let me down.

showdown

the gauntlet has been thrown.



billy mays has called out my man vince offer because he feels vince is ripping off billy's style and products. mays is SERIOUS about this. in this vid he tells vince that he will out-pitch him any day.

i REALLY want to see these two titans go head to head. personally i got my money on vince for pure charisma but billy mays has got his name to trade on.

keep talkin shit, billy, you're makin him famous...

best of CL 2009: #0002

HOLY SHIT

ALRIGHT SO CHECK THIS OUT

i've got an idea for my first screenplay.

we were talking about actor duos unlikely to appear onscreen together and someone said that daniel craig and jason statham will never be in a movie because they're too similar but think about this movie idea.

it stars daniel craig...and jason statham
in
TANGO AND CASH

think about it. you wouldn't really have to change the plot much; just set it in the UK and you're golden. 2 top chief inspectors on the city of london police force can't stand each other, but they've both been set up and have to work together 

to clear their name as well as exact justice on the crime syndicate that's framed them for murder. 

daniel craig (AKA james bond #5, duh) would be perfect as the slick, refined-yet-badass ray tango. and naturally the reckless, rough-and-tumble gabriel cash would be played by jason statham (AKA mr. fuck-a-woman-in-the-middle-of-a-huge-crowd-in-chinatown-because-i-need-adrenaline-to-stay-alive). dudes wouldn't even really need to get into character; they could just reprise their roles from casino royale/quantum of solace and crank/transporter 1/2/3, respectively.

cast keeley hazell as katherine "kiki" tango--teri hatcher's former role--and you've got yourself a real winner.

check out my re-imagning of this scene:

COP 1:
we've checked the whole lorry, arsehole--there's nothin in it! and you're out of your neighborhood, big city chap! i want your badge, i want your weapon, i want your ARSE! who the fuck do you think you are???

COP 2: 
[scoffs] 'e thinks 'e's james bond.

TANGO:
james bond...is a pussy. 
[tango shoots tanker truck, cocaine pours out the side]

TANGO:
whattya know. it's snowing.
[tastes cocaine]

TANGO:
anyone wanna get high?

END FUCKING SCENE.

man i swear. if they can make a reboot of the fast and the furious then they can sure as HELL reboot tango and cash. 

anyway. you heard it here first.

stop having a boring life

"you're gonna love my nuts."

meet my new favorite infomercial. i used to really dig on the rotato infomercial but that was a long time ago and truth be told i'm not really into potatoes that much. this is definitely better, plus you get the graty for free!

if you ain't up on your infomercials, this man's name is vince offer and he's the same pitchman in the shamwow ad which was also excellent.

i love that this skeezy parking lot huckster is making excellent ads like this. my prediction for 2009 is that vince offer eclipses billy mays as the king of direct response marketing. and those of you all like "oh man but what about popeil" you need to get with the times. yeah my family had a showtime rotisserie and i can respect the man as an inventor but he's not relevant in the game anymore. i'm betting billy mays will become a victim of his own popularity and will stop producing new infomercials--he's yelling about everything from ESPN350 to health insurance to Miracle Whip (an excellent and delicious product that i also endorse). vince's whole condescending "this product is basically shit but you're still an idiot if you don't buy it" vibe is very engaging. all someone has to do is put vince behind a product that can make more than half a cup of chopped whatever at a time and he will blow up huge.

buggyrollin.

this is maybe the coolest thing i've seen all day (after the resident evil 5 trailer). i know, i know, video doesn't equal blog content but guess how many fucks i give about that?


this totally reminds me of the flying scenes in iron man. also, the size of the balls required to bomb the alps in this thing should negate the possibility of being able to ride in the prone position at all, so bonus points to mr. blondeau for figuring out a way to make that work.